Whenever there is infidelity in a marriage or other relationship, there is a lot of emotions to be dealt with and decisions that have to be made. The goal of this blog will be to help you see past the initial hurt and anger and to make a decision that will be right for you. For some, that decision will be to sever the relationship but there are many couples that survive and even thrive after dealing with the infidelity. Only you will be able to determine which path is right for you but this blog will provide you with the insight and tools with which to make that decision.
Why Do People Cheat?
There are a variety of reasons given when spouses cheat on one another. Most of these reasons are excuses that cover up an underlying issue in the relationship. A cheating husband may tell his wife that it was because she failed to give him enough attention. A cheating wife may tell her husband that if he had only showed her that he cared for her feelings, then she wouldn’t have gone looking for someone to appreciate her. These excuses are somewhat valid at times but they rarely encompass the entire scope of the deeper problems in the relationship.
Finding Out Your Spouse is Cheating
The aftermath of betrayal is very similar to that of losing a loved one to death. The betrayed spouse will almost always go through the same emotional stages as that of grief. When you think about it, they are grieving for what they perceive as the loss of the relationship. While the relationship can very often still be saved, and even made stronger, after an affair, it is very difficult for the person feeling betrayed to see that at first.
Initially, the first stage is denial. No one wants to believe that the one they love has betrayed them with another. In fact, some spouses will continue to deny what they feel in their hearts to be true as it is just too painful for them to face the truth. Sooner or later, however, they will either find incontrovertible proof or the cheating spouse will come clean about the affair directly.
Then the non-cheating spouse will feel hurt and angry – this is only natural and those feelings must be allowed to come out if the marriage is to be saved. The cheating spouse has broken trust and trust can be hard to rebuild. Eventually will come acceptance and then the decision will need to be made whether to pursue the relationship or not.
Saving the Marriage After an Affair
One of the key things to saving a marriage after an affair is to not make permanent decisions while still in the hurt and angry stages of the grieving process. Decisions made at that time will be more a reaction to the hurt and anger than to the real, deep-down feelings for your spouse. The good news is that many relationships can be saved, and even strengthened, by following the right steps and advice for dealing with the affair.
